I am really in to making lists. I start making lists in my head before I even realize I’m doing it. Any topic can start a list. I’m talking to a friend of mine and they say “God, Natalie Portman is totally on my list” and I say “what list?” and they’re like… “you know, the list… the one from Friends. The one you get to make where you have 5 people that you’re allowed to have sex with if the situation ever arises and your significant other can’t say a word about it ever.” — and I say, “oh, that list” because as the super cool and hip young adult that I am, I have seen that episode of Friends. And then I start to make my list, just in case. I don’t think Natalie Portman would have either of us, but I put her on my list anyway because I don’t care which way you swing, Natalie Portman is on everybody’s list.
Today I started thinking about movies that aren’t suppose to be creepy, but kind of are. Never Been Kissed is the first one I thought of. I mean, Mwe know she’s an of-age journalist doing a piece on the inner-workings of a modern highschool, but her teacher doesn’t. He thinks she’s a high school student. The movie tries really hard not to be creepy, they never kiss or do anything “untoward” until all is revealed (not to ruin the ending for you) but he does have feelings for what he supposes is a high school student. I don’t know, I’m on the fence about the relationship and I own the movie.
Movies That Try Not To Be Creepy, But Kind Of Are
1. Jerry Maguire
Don’t get me wrong, it’s a great classic and it made Cuba Gooding Jr. a shining star, if only for a brief and odd moment. But it also has this weird “I guess I can settle for you” vibe. They end up with each other because they have nobody else? It’s hard to say in the end if Tom Cruise really loved Renee Zellweger, I know she “completed him” but is that really a reason to love her? It almost seemed more of a grateful love than a real love to last the ages.
2. Willie Wonka & the Chocolate Factory
I love Roal Dahl as much as the next kid, but you have to admit that Wonka’s absolute nonchalance at all the children turning into blueberries, falling into incinerators, being stretched by taffy pullers and getting sucked into tubes full of chocolate is kind of horrifying.
3. Gigi
There’s something inherently sad about this story. Gigi has to give up part of herself to be with the man she loves and there’s that weird old guy running around. He reminds me of crotchety old men who look up girl’s skirts with their canes. Again, I own it, and it’s a fabulous, beautiful, and classic movie, but still… just a little odd, no?
4. Mansfield Park
I love Mansfield Park, the movie. This won’t garner me a lot of affection among the Jane Austen elitists of the world since it’s so different from the book, but I just enjoy watching Fanny and Edward figure out they love each other. However, there’s this weird side plot concerning slave trade and Edward’s father has a definite creepy overtone to his character, like he’s leering after young Fanny. Have you read a Jane Austen novel? They’re simple and sweet. It’s like the biggest scandal is an off-page romance between a married woman and a main character. Most of the plot is focused around women doing innocuous things like needlepoint and picking flowers while wondering when Mr. *insert character name here* will call upon them so they can banter artfully until securing marriage.
Annnnd… some other ones. I’m looking for at least a couple more to add to my list. I know they’re out there because I have had the experience many times of watching a movie, enjoying it but thinking that there’s something not quite right about it. Do you guys have any ideas?
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